She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
