If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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