My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
