my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize