I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
