she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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