Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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