If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
