my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
