a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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