Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
