8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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