I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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