i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
