She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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