I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
