ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
