I hate your face
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
