Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
