I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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