Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
