oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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