we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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