can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
