i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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