You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
