At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what day is it and did you see me today?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
