Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
