Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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