I can tuck mytits in my pants
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
