I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
