hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize