Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
