Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
