a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
