Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i think my cat just said my name.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
