I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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