covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
