apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
