My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
