bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
