I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
