Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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