My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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