i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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