I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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