Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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