your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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