party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
