Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
