Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
