its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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