Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
