Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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