I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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