Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
