All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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