I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
