I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
