to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
