Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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