I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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