Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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