They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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