a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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