I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
