Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
