yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
