New invention idea: vibrating tampons
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
