Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
