You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
