I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
