How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
