Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
