I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
