I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
