I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
