Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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