i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
