that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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