Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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