She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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