So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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