You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
